Address the Mess! - with Kurt Braunohler et moi!

This recyling event was sponsored by Comedy Central - it was super fun and we helped to reduce a carbon foot print for one of the Octo Mom's kids. Shut up! Address the Mess Coping with Loss addressthemess.com Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy Free Online Games

Black People Don't Do Yoga. Really?

Yes honey, it's about that time of year, the weather is getting warmer and ladies have to get bathing suit friendly. Ew. I've been excersing alot latetly, and although I'm all about the gym and the park, you've got to switch it up bit, so I decided to go to yoga. Yes, I said it, I'm going to yoga. A black woman, who is not Oprah or Gayle is going to Yoga, say what? Say yes. And do you know how hard it is trying to get one of your sista girl friends to come to yoga? It's like pulling teeth from an actorwith no health insurance. I got alot of , "what? come'on nah, you know we don't do yoga..", "or, damn, you trying to work it out like a a skinny white girl" and my favorite - "i mean, really? now isn't that like a substitute for sex or somethin'?" -- Well let's break it down for minute - why wouldn't we practice yoga? Cause it's too expensive? There are cheap places, in fact I found a place that's free, it's a suggested donation, check out www.yogatothepeople.com - Is someone losing their black card for going to yoga? I mean, what's a little stretching and heavy breathing have to do with being black? If we're getting into crazy beliefs n sh*t, then what about people telling us we shouldn't listen to rock & roll? Or have interracail relationships? Or read? Or vote? I mean please, we gonna believe everything someone tells us we should/shouldn't do? You know what other black people do yoga? Okaaay? Music and fashion mogul, Russell Simons ... And guess what? There's even a style of yoga called Egyptian Yoga, I mean, how black can you get it? I found it on this website, check it:http://www.blackvoices.com/blogs/2008/03/12/five-benefits-of-a-yoga-workout/ So next time bredgrin, please think twice about going to yoga and experiencing something very cute and healty! Cha mon.

New Year. New Body. Okkkay?

I'm sitting up in the Heathrow Aeroport in London, after a very long but cute three weeks in Europa, - I'm trying to sit comfy in these cheap ass seats, whilst avoiding the smells of holiday diapers, ya know, breathing thru my mouth, eating oats and dried fruits, constantly translating the military time on the departures board in my head so I don't miss my flight which is still two hours away..the point? Well..there really isn't one. In an international airport, you have tons of things to do, actually, but you never end up wanting to do any of them. Worrying about getting home for New Year's Eve on time tonight in New York has probably aged me by two years at least. The most overrated night ever has become my most favorite! Thanks to champagne, H&M clearence dresses, and a new attitude. It's so cheesy, but true - It's not what you do with the night, but the rest of the year. Aww yeah, I feel an Orpah moment coming on. Again, the point? That there isn't one. If you had to look back on the last 12 months, what would you say about them? About yourself? Are you still going to be going to lunch with annoying co-worker? Will you take people's compliments with just a thank you? Are you going to try not to over eat? Put all those pictures in the books? Spend more time with the kids? Stop buying rounds so people will like you? Shit. Well..again, not sure what I'm getting at, I've just been in an airport for a very long time, mostly the whole year actually - but, if I had to describe my last 12 months .. it's be "Really? Shut up." ha. Take that as you wish. Pointless blogs. I love em'. I'll be in the corner giving free hugs to the bathroom cleaning lady.

Bumbershoot. Bumba-clot!

Oh. My. Gawd. Guess who went to Seattle for the first time? Um, chea..me..and it was AWESOME. I performed in the 2008 Bumbershoot Music & Arts Festival, kind of like a West coast Bonnaroo, but not. I had the best time! And let me say one thing I loves about Seattle, is the diversity, and by diversity, I mean I've never seen such a diverse group of white people, ha. Shut up. So? I felt exotic, for reals. On the real side, the people I met in Seattle were tres cool - liberal, open-minded, kind of conservative free spirits that love granola if ya pickin' up what I'm laying down. Another thing I loves about Seattle, the weather. It was a cool crisp, warm in the sun, and cool in the shade, everyday was a good hair day, and that will always be a good day, please. I was supposed to open for Zach Galifinakis(www.zachgalifianakis.com) but he canceled last minute, so instead I worked with David Cross and Jeanne Garofalo, who were a stupid amount of fun. Check out www.bumbershoot.org for details, and try and go next year. If you're single, bring your friends, and not a date. Ha, why bring sand to the beach?

More of the Weekly Evil Y'all!

Check out the insanely crude yet hilarious reasons why fantasy football is evil. And if you're offended, like "my mom is half fantasy football!" or something, then this video is not for you ... and please, don't blink -- you might miss me! hehe ..

Check out the Weekly Evil!

It'll be the best 4 minutes of you day. C'mon, I'm supposed to say the sheeet. Check it!

I went to Bonnaroo, and didn't get high.

Surprised? Moi aussi! Let me just put this out there, and set the record straight, I don't do drugs, but I thought for sure I would've caught a contact, or something, but no, nothing at all. Hi mom. The only thing I caught was a wiff of grilled chicken and body odor. If we haven't been thru this before, Bonnaroo is a modern day woodstock for wanna be hippies, music lovers, the high-end red necks, the low-end frat boys, jimmy buffet fans, and everyone else in between. The adult playground is set on a 700 acre farm, with stages, tents, port-o-potties, and nothing but LOVE and good vibes. At one point though, I saw all these stages and tents for miles and I thought, if there were black people in these tents, it be a Katrina relief program, I'm just sayin'. B'roo as I heard some peeps call it is a anual undergound music and arts festival that showcases some of the most amazing talent from aroud the world. In two days you go from seeing Willy Nelson, MIA, Pearl Jam, Chromeo, Chris Rock, to Metallica - to name a few..oh, and uh um..Michelle Buteau. ha. shut up. I mean, it really is censory overload. I was booked in the comedy tent, a two thousand seater circus tent, the only venue at the festival that had an air condition! Now that's a sassy way of guaranteeing an audience. I hosted for Brain Posehn and Jim Norton. Needless to say, the shows were a gawd damn sausage fest. Nothing but shirtless boys with bandanas, dirty feet in flip flops double fisting plastic cups of brew. Sounds like a party? Um, it was. It was fucking nuts. All you had to say was "What's up BONNNAAARROOOO!" And that was the Thunder Cat call. Kind of like saying Bush Sucks in a gay comedy room, it's just a crowd pleasa, feel me? Here's the thing though, with a fest like B'roo, you go to have the time of your life, or you go work. But let me say this,- it's the coolest job - EVER. I mean, please, you can have your cubicle, casual friday, and bi-weekly check aka stability anyday. I'd rather pee standing up for 3 days, shout silly ass shit from stage in cowboy boots in the middle of a farm, and have my NAME on the t-shirt for the Bonnaroo 2008 lineup FOREVER. Jesus Christ, I love my job.

Spring Break 08! Titty Shake.

This year I had the honor of being the warm up act for MTV's Spring Break 08' in Sunny Isles, Florida. I was excited, because well, I don't know..in my mind, I'm thinking "I'm gonna be all cute n funny n stuff, and the producers from MTV will fall in love with me and want to develop a show for me.." hahah, please, bitch. The shows were hosted by the one and only Tila "Want a shot at love" Tequila and USA's former beauty queen Tara Conner.. Both ladies, who hosted different shows, were awesome. Lots of peeps want to hear the "real deal", and honestly, these women were on-time, hard working, surprisinly witty non-divas. The kids were the ones who needed a talking to..I got on stage and I'm all .."Hey y'all..my name is Michelle ..Miss Michelle if ya nasty...heeeyy..." haha They were all "Shut up! Where's Tila and my free t-shirt fat bitch?" Oh hell to the no. Ya know, even when I went to school in Miami, I used to wear clothes. I'm talking bikinis with platforms, and that was just the guys. Shut up. There was this one girl who was 8 months prego, in a bikini - wait for it - and she looked good! Please. Did I feel old? Um, sure..at times. But I'll tell ya this much, hanging out with the youth is just as educational as hangin' out with the elderly. I'd do it again, but this time I'd totally wear a spank. Okkaaay?? Um, MTV - I'm still waiting for my contract...hehe Check out www.mtv.com for time & info.

Happy Belated St Paddy's Day. Shut up.

Saint Patrick's Day has special meaning for me because it's the day I moved to The Big Apple. It was only 7 years ago, but it's that weird time where it feels like it was yesterday but like 10 years ago...I can still remember walking to work on 6th Avenue at 4 in the afternoon, stepping over green vomit and shiny green and orange necklaces. Good times. In an unrelated, but related event, Lewis Black (one of my all time fav comics www.lewisblack.net) has a hot new show on Comedy Central called "The Root of All Evil". Comedy Central's website, The Motherload, (http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/) produces weekly snippets of evil shit featuring rotating comics in NYC & elsewhere. Check out why we find St Paddy's Evil..in a loving, humorous, nasty, way...of course.